The last eight weeks have been tough – let’s not even sugar coat it.
Following the outbreak of Covid-19, the UK government gave the public clear instructions: Stay at home, protect the NHS and save lives. At the time of this announcement, the country stood together, we were ready. We accepted the new rules and we uniformly embraced our new normal.
Fast forward eight weeks and we are still here. Sure, some things are returning to ‘normal’, but this is far from the life we were once used to.
When lockdown began, there was an overwhelming flurry of positive vibes – my Friday morning Barry’s Bootcamp class turned into an Instagram Live and my Friday night drinks became a dressed-up Zoom call with the girls. It seemed that everyone was riding a wave of positivity and we were ready to tackle our invisible intruder (from the safety of our own homes, of course).
However, as time in lockdown went on, I, like many others, began to struggle. The more I came across inspirational stories on social media of people undertaking new challenges and accomplishing amazing things during lockdown with all the extra time, the more my inner critic got louder. I began to worry that I was somehow failing at ‘thriving’ in lockdown.
All these amazing and perfect people are out there taking the lockdown in their stride, and I haven’t even managed to paint my room! This is classic ‘me’ behaviour – I should list worrier and self-critic as a skill set.
In today’s world, with social media showing everyone’s highlight reels, it’s hard not to compare your behind-the-scenes. Unfortunately, the rational voice which reminds you that ‘you may not have mastered the skill of learning a new language or done a marathon in your garden, but you have been here today and that is enough’ is often a little too quiet. It’s easy to forget that we don’t always have to achieve things and we don’t even have to spend our time wisely or productively.
To try and help myself tackle my inner critic head-on, I turned to the concept of self-compassion. It’s what I wrote my university dissertation on, and it’s something I have tried to embrace in order to rationalise my thoughts when I feel the weight of doubt and criticism on my shoulders.
As a relatively new construct to western psychology, self-compassion can be understood through three key concepts: self-kindness, common humanity and mindfulness.
In a nutshell, self-compassion teaches us to be kind to ourselves, recognise that our experiences are part of the common humanity and not an isolated event that is only relevant to us, and to observe our thoughts and feelings as they are – be mindful of them and don’t try to suppress them whether they are negative or positive; they are only a small part of us.
Recently, I produced a podcast for a client on ‘Navigating through anxiety during COVID-19’. It featured a conversation with a clinical psychologist who gave practical advice and tools to cope with worry during the pandemic. One thing that really struck me was the term ‘professional worrier’. The psychologist explained that professional worriers only worry after they have woken up, had their breakfast and a cup of tea; they do not worry in the middle of the night. They write down all their worries and only allow themselves to worry for 30 minutes of the day in an allotted time.
This really struck me, as I am privy to the 5am anxious wakeup call. Since hearing this, I have tried to schedule my worry time – usually between 8.30am-9am. So far, I have found this helpful; throughout the day, I of course still experience a multitude of worries (old habits die hard) but I quickly remind myself that this is not the time and add it to my worrying agenda for the following morning.
The current pandemic has definitely tested us all and it will continue to do so. However, I am hoping to fully embrace becoming more self-compassionate and a professional worrier. At the moment I am an amateur in both and that’s fine, I am a work in progress. Stay tuned!