The first time I heard about the Four Burners Theory, I was listening to the essayist David Sedaris on Radio 4. In his story, he presented the theory like this: your life is a stove with four burners firing all at once. One represents your health, another your family. The third represents your friends, and the fourth your work.
In order to be successful, Sedaris explained, you have to shut off one of your burners. To be really successful, you have to shut off two.
While I don’t hold with this kind of cynicism, I do understand the feeling of trying to split a finite amount of energy between all the different aspects of your life. When you’re living with a mental illness, the ‘health’ burner suddenly starts draining energy away from every other part of your life.
Your family and friends have to learn how to cope with receiving less of your attention. Once you’ve found the courage to talk to them about your mental health, they are usually ready to help you in any way they can, even if it means changing old preconceptions or learning new ways to care. They help you to keep their burners alight.
So, that leaves work. When I started working at HAVAS Just:: last November, seeing my work through the prism of the company values (collaboration, confidence and curiosity) was what helped me keep my work burner firing, even as my mental health became more challenging to manage.
As more and more workplaces step up to the plate and start to value their employees’ mental health as much as their physical, this is what companies need to be offering: a framework through which you can feel safe, supported and certain that your mental illness doesn’t define you as a person.
Collaboration
At HAVAS Just::, I’ve been able to use my emotional intelligence productively. My journey as a patient has given me new empathy towards people living with chronic illness and new respect for the work done by the pharmaceutical industry. Collaborating with patient advocacy groups gave me the courage to start speaking up about my journey towards mental health – I felt humbled in the face of their dedication to their community, and felt called to match it with some honesty and collaborative spirit of my own.
If you want to keep the work burner firing, it’s easier to do it if you have help. Don’t be afraid of the vulnerability that comes with collaboration – your colleagues have your back.
Confidence
Depression and anxiety can destroy hard-won confidence. The voice in my head at one point was deafening, and I began to believe the cruel things it said. Trying to separate your illness from your personality is a long, difficult process, and when your feeling of self-worth is tied into the pride you take in your work the whole shaky construct can come tumbling down.
The support I received from my HAVAS Just:: ‘family’ was amazing – calm, gentle and professional, just as they would be with any other chronic illness, and without an ounce of judgement. Knowing that they knew more about where I was coming from made me feel confident that I could be resilient in the face of the inevitable stress that comes from working in a face-paced, stimulating environment.
Curiosity
In my free time, I started researching my symptoms. I discovered that things I was convinced were permanent personality traits – such as short-term memory loss – were symptoms. HAVAS Just:: arranged a training event where we learnt about the neurology of stress and mindfulness, and it all just started to fall into place; I started a meditation practice, and began journaling about my experiences. A few days ago, in our new home in the Havas Village in Kings’ Cross, I took advantage of one of the building’s personal growth events and took a follow-up meditation class, which I loved.
I suppose what I’m trying to say is this: the four burners theory is old-fashioned. You can keep balance in your life, but nothing happens in a vacuum and if you want to keep all fires burning you need to be able to ask for help. Employees who manage to keep a work-life balance are happier, healthier, more committed to their role and far more creative, and companies are beginning to realise that supporting staff through rough patches will pay off ten-fold in the long run.
I’m on the mend, but the road is long, and I’ll likely always live with the possibility of relapse. With that said, I can promise you this: I’ll do everything I can to keep my home fires burning.