After the Campaign to End Loneliness in collaboration with HAVAS Just::, launched the Let’s Talk More video to inspire connection, tackle loneliness (which affects 9 million people in the UK!) and bring people together, I reflected on my own many “prawn sandwich” moments with strangers.
I find that talking to strangers I would likely never meet again is a great way of building my confidence, gaining new insights into the world and just getting out of my own head for a bit.
Here are some of my observations from my conversations with strangers over the years:
It is cathartic to moan together about delayed transport. “Is this line always delayed?” “This is why I moved to Bristol.” Venting with someone is much nicer than venting quietly in my head. That small sense of solidarity can be wonderful!
Work chat can be interesting and varied. A HIV charity professional’s opinion on attitudes to sex in Britain. A sales advisor’s experiences in Boots. A politician’s feelings about talks in Brussels and nostalgia about house pranks from their student days. An actor’s feelings about a sci-fi script. A psychologist’s cognitive behavioural therapy work with anorexia patients. And an HR professional disciplining naughty people. I learn so much. Just by asking simple, open ended questions and listening to new people give me a slice of their thoughts. It’s also fun finding that I have something in common with someone who seems so very different to me.
Magical, serendipitous moments do happen. Occasionally. A retired maths teacher once noticed 17-year-old me doing a mock A-level maths paper on a plane, while he was waiting in a queue for the toilet (because of course I had the seat nearest the smelly loo!). He was so excited that I was doing maths, exclaiming “I love maths” and then proceeding to tell me all about his career. In turn, I showed him the incomplete proof that had been boggling me for ages, and he magically showed me that last step. I was elated!
People can be surprisingly open about their families and communities. “My daughter is also a perfectionist.” “My wife and I vowed to learn each other’s native tongues.” “I can’t buy condoms in my hometown – people keep recognising me and talking to me so I feel too embarrassed.” Some seemingly perfect lives. Big and loving families. Some messy families. Sometimes stories are painful and the only thing I can do is listen. And of course, I have been given lots of advice about love and relationships, yet I cannot for the life of me remember any of it…
It really is a small world! Some years ago, I had a chat with a fellow student on the tube about long distance relationships. “All my money goes on train tickets.” “Right?? Me too!” “It is so expensive!” And then a few months later I met them again by chance in another city. More recently, I met an actor on a train journey who happened to live in my local area in London. She told me about how it has changed over the years. I also accidentally gave her the wrong name of a 24-hour Italian deli that I swore she had to try…
I still love the magic of “that one time I had a chat with a stranger in [x] situation”. Each encounter is its own story. A connection made in a busy world where we brush shoulders with lots of people and yet it is easy to spend too much time alone with our own thoughts.
We could all be doing simple things to tackle loneliness, such as smiling at someone, saying “hello” or having a quick chat. So, I urge you, next time you’re waiting somewhere engrossed in a loop of your own thoughts, look around you. The Let’s Talk More video is a great reminder of how important these small moments are, and that we must value them.
Here are a few more hints and tips to help you start a conversation. Let’s Talk More!